How To (Fail) To Kill An Incubator
by roxan1930
Summary: Homura and Kyubey recall some of her many attempts to kill him.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own Puella Magi Madoka Magica**

**How To (Fail) To Kill An Incubator**

Homura growled to herself as she paced around her room.

Once again had she failed to kill the Incubator called Kyubey.

"You know, it's such a waste you keep making me use my extra's. Why do you keep trying to kill me? You should know it's useless anyway." a familiar voice suddenly said and Homura growled again.

Speak of the devil and he shall appear.

"You should know already that I'll do anything to keep Madoka from becoming a Magical Girl, including killing you again and again." she snapped at him.

"Like I said, nothing would even work to kill me. Permit me to show you your latest failed attempts~" Kybey said and despite herself Homura found herself looking into his red-pink eyes and the flashbacks started.


	2. Chapter 2

"The aquarium is such an interesting place. Humans gather all kinds of fish from all over to world not just to protect species that would not survive well in the wild anymore but also make money off them by making other people pay to see them too. It's a true combination of helpfulness and selfishness." Kyubey mused as he followed Homura who was walking at a quick pace through the halls.

"Why exactly have you come here?" he asked the girl as she ignoring all the other animals on display.

"To see the sharks being fed." was her short answer.

"Ah, I see. They make normal requirements for the animals into an event to draw attention from people who will pay to see it. How selfish." Kyubey nodded to himself before having to run a bit to catch up with Homura as she stepped into an elevator which took them to an upper platform above the tank where about a dozen sharks were swimming.

"Personally I would I think we could see everything better from down where most other people are but oh well." Kyubey said before sitting to watch.

Only he suddenly felt a foot slam against his back.

It lasted for only half a second but that was enough for Kyubey to fall off the platform and into the shark-tank, past the oblivious worker who was throwing fish into the tank.

As soon as he hit the water he found all the sharks staring at him for a moment before shooting forward and tearing him apart as the watching humans cooed in awe, thinking they were just eating fish.

From the platform Homura watched with interest.

"Well then, at least I don't have to clean up for myself now." a new Kyubey said as he casually walked over the railing and stood nezt to Homura.

The girl seemed annoyed at seeing him but had obviously not expected much else.

"Now that that's pcver with, can we go see the octopus?" Kyubey then asked, sounding like a child asking his mother.

"Fine..." Homura sighed and off they went again.


	3. Chapter 3

Kyubey sighed as he rolled over in the grassy field he was sunbathing in.

Humans were causing trouble for themselves, witches attacked them, the magical girls killed those, Madoka seemed to be heading more and more to becoming one too and to top it all off, the weather was great!

Everything was great.

"KYYYYYYYYUUUUUUUUBEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYY!"

Or maybe not.

Opening his eyes the Incubator saw Sayaka stomping towards him.

"Hello, Sayaka. How can I help you?" he asked as he sat up and swished his tail.

"Don't you act all innocent with me! I know what you did!" the blue haired girl yelled at him.

"I'm afraid I've done a lot of things every single day so I'm going to need you to clarify what exactly you're talking about." Kyubey just kept swishing his tail.

"You said that I should just give up on ever finding love!" Sayaka yelled and he blinked in reply.

"I did?" he asked while tilting his head to the side.

"Yeah you did! My source told me! She said you said that since I'm a magical girl I can't ever live normally anyway, especially with the way I am now, which is a fucking zombie with my soul out of by body thanks to you, and even if I wasn't, I'd never have a chance anyway with the way I am!" she screamed, turning red from anger.

"And you believe this source more than me?" Kyubey asked.

"Hell yeah I do after you tricked me!"

"I suppose that's fair although I told you, I never tricked you but you just didn't ask for all the details. Still, considering your temper, inability to listen to others at times and your habit of umping to conclusions and blaming others, you most likely would indeed be unable to find love." Kyebey casually said the words you're never supposed to tell an angry girl, while scratching behind his ear no less.

"THAT'S IT! YOU'RE DEAD!" and with that Sayaka transformed into a Magical girl and impaled Kyubey with about twenty swords.

As soon as that was done she stomped away, not noticing Homura standing on a hill, watching the scene.

"You were her so called source, weren't you?" another Kyubey asked as he approached her from behind.

"So what if I was?" she asked.

"Nothing really. Actually I must praise you on putting the blame for that situation. You got to tell her the plain facts and put them on me so you yourself wouldn't have had to face her." he said.

"No, I was just wondering if maybe another magical girl would be able to kill you while I keep failing. Guess I was wrong." Homura answered.

"So it would seem."


	4. Chapter 4

Kyubey followed Homura as she walked around the docks of town where many fisherman were working and other people walked around to buy fish.

"Are you here for groceries? There are so many types of fish here I don't even know where you would start!" Kyubey said as he sniffed the air.

"No, I still have enough food to last about a week." was the girl's answer as she kept walking.

"Alright, then why are you here?" Kyubey asked as he ran a little to catch up with her.

Homura stayed quite and kept walking until she reached a certain stall that didn't sell fish but little trinkets, including small anchors that weren't nearly as big and heavy as the real ones but still at least heavy.

"You wanted a souvenir? You could have gotten something like this way easier by just ordering it online but for some reason you humans seem to like it more if you buy something personally most of the time. Such a waste of time." Kyebey mussed before he was suddenly grabbed by the back of his neck and carried away by Homura.

"You think you can lift this anchor on your own?" Homura asked casually.

"Probably not. My body is not build with such strengt as that of humans." Kyubey answered as he didn't even try to escape the magical girl's grip.

"Good." was all Homura said as they approached the water.

She fished a piece of rope from her bag with one hand and swiftly tied Kyubey up to the anchor.

"What are you pla- brlblhlrb!" was all Kyubey could say before he was tossed into the water with anchor and all.

Homura watched with mild interest as the alien slowly sung deeper and deeper till she couldn't see him anymore.

"That brought back memories!" another Kyubey chirped as he hopped next to Homura and looked in the water as if trying to still see his other body.

"Now what are you talking about?" Momura asked in annoyance at failing to kill him again.

"Many years ago magical girls were often mistaken for witches because of their magic. People would tie them up and throw them in water because they thought if they didn't drown, it would mean they were witches and if they died, well, they were human but still dead. It was actually a practice that caused many magical girls to turn into actual witches." Kyubey explained as he looked up at her, looking almost excited if it hadn't been for the fact he literally didn't have emotions.

Homura just stared at him for a bit before simply kicking him into the water again and walking away.


	5. Chapter 5

"Did you have to kick me in the water again? It'll take forever to clean myself off again." a soaked Kyubey complained as he followed Homura.

They were still at the docks.

"Well, luckily for you I know a much faster way." Homura said, sounding surprisingly helpful considering it was him.

"Not a hairdryer I hope? Lots of magical girls have used those on me while dressing me up as a doll to play with and I find those device quite uncomfortable." Kyubey's ever-lasting pokerface seemed to form a slight frown before going back to normal.

"No hairdryers involved. Just go and sit over there." she pointed to a spot about twenty or so yards away.

"I don't see how me sitting over there will dry me off but oh well." Kyubey obediently walked to and sat in the spot Homura pointed out.

"And now?" he asked before noticing a looming shadow above him.

Looking up he was something large falling from the sky.

Right at where he was sitting.

"Oh, fiddlesticks." he said before being crushed by a shipment container.

Homura blinked at the scene.

"Well, not what I was expecting but at least I'm dry again!" Kyubey chirped as he stood next t her again.

Thought seriously, did you suggest me sitting there to really help me dry off or were you trying to kill me again? If so you should know that wouldn't have worked." he told the girl.

"It was neither reason. I just thought it would be funny. And it was." she shrugged and walked away again.


	6. Chapter 6

Homura sighed as she sat in front of her fireplace, idly watching the flames dance.

"What are you thinking about?" Kyubey asked as he approached her from behind.

"About how much I hate you." Homura answered without missing a beat, not even bothering to look at him and just kept staring at the fire.

"Oh my! If I had feelings they would probably be very hurt by that remark!" Kyubey mocked.

"You might not want to sit so close to that fire, you know. You could get burned by the embers." he advised.

"Burned? You mean like this?" she asked before grabbing him and flinging him into the fire which became about three times as big as before as the alien inside wuickly turned black and started crumbling.

"That was a little more extreme than I meant but it could still happen." a new Kyubey said as he sat next to Homura and stared at his former body before looking up at the girl.

"You might really want to move. I can honestly tell being burned is not a pleasurable experience and if you die, it's guarantied you'll never become a witch." he told her.

Homura's answer to that?

Throwing the second Kyubey in the fire to join the first.

And the same happened to the next thirteen.


	7. Chapter 7

Kyubey huffed as he tried to keep up with Homura as they for some reason walked through a forest.

She was already fast and the rougher terrain wasn't helping.

He almost ran into the girl's legs when she suddenly stopped.

"Please do not stop so abruptly." he whined as he rubbed his hard with one of his long ears.

He didn't get an answer as Homura was too busy digging into her bag, obvious searching for something.

"Found it!" she said and she pulled out...

A little fox costume.

"What is that fo- Hey! What are you doing?! Stop it!" Kyubey cried when he was suddenly grabbed and stuffed into the costume.

"Even my tail..." he groaned and swished said tail after he was completely forced into the costume.

He was then dropped and the girl who then started sprinting away, way too fast for Kyubey to keep up with.

"Did she seriously take me to a forest, dress me up like a doll and leave? Why would she-" BANG!

A bullet shot into the back of his head and came out from right between his eyes and Kyubey dropped dead.

"Alright, we finally got one! A nice little fox no less!" a man carrying a hunting riffle came out of the woods, followed by two others.

"Hang on, this isn't a fox! It's some kind of weird toy or something!" one of his friends said as he picked the dead Kyubey in the costume up.

"Huh? How did this thing even get here?" the third member of the group asked.

As the humans wondered how they ended up shooting a 'toy' another Kyubey sat in a tree looking down at them.

"I see. She took me here and dressed me up because it's hunting season. Such a shame this only ruined a perfectly good costume." he mused to himself before leaping down and making his way back into town.


	8. Chapter 8

Kyubey was in a field right under a tree, said three casting on ominous shadow over him.

A few feet in a front of him stood Homura in her magical girl, her hair blowing dramatically in the wind.

Neither moved or said anything.

The moment was broken however when the girl pulled her gun out and pointed it at Kyubey.

"Are you going to shoot me again? You know it is pointless." Kyubey said as he swished his tail.

"Oops, I guess I aimed at you out of habit." Homura flipped her hair and moved the gun so it was aiming at something above Kyubey.

Feeling curious to what she was planning this time Kyubey looked up and his eyes widened slightly upon seeing a wasp nest right above him.

BANG!

The nest fell on the ground and hundreds of angry wasps attacked Kyubey.

"OW OW OW! Stop it! I didn't destroy you home! OW!" Kyubey cried as he was stabbed all over.

Soon he stopped moving and dropped down.

As soon as the wasps were finally done and left Homura approached the corpse hat was all lumpy due to hundreds of wasp stings.

All was silent as she lightly kicked the body to check if it was really dead.

"I knew that you watching The Hunger Games would not result in anything nice but this was honestly a little ridiculous." another Kyubey said from where he sat a few yards away, cautiously looking around as if searching for any lingering wasps.

"At least the movies were good..." Homura shrugged and flipped her hair again before walking off with Kyubey following while keeping an eye out for wasps.


	9. Chapter 9

"The weather is so terrible that if I didn't know any better I would think a witch is causing this." Kyubey said as he and Homura stood in the doorway of a random shop.

Outside rain was pouring, lightning flashed every now and then accompanied by thunder crashes and the clouds were so dark and thick it almost seemed night while it was actually still in the middle of the day.

"Are you gonna wait the storm out or going inside with this weather?" he asked the girl as he hopped onto her shoulder.

"Store's closing in ten minutes due to the storm, folks!" an employee called out as if he heard Kyubey's question, causing many to complain as they didn't want to go outside.

"Wonderful..." Kyubey sighed in annoyance.

"Stop being such a whiny brat. Here, Madoka actually made something and gave it to me and the other girls for when you're around." Homura scolded as she reached into her bag and pulled out a tiny pink umbrella.

So tiny in fact if would only ever be useful to Kyubey.

"You really kept a gift meant for me? I must thank you for doing so and please remind me to do the same to Madoka the next time I see her!" Kyubey cheered as he excitedly jumped up and grabbed the umbrella with his tail.

He opened it and held it above his body.

"Absolutely perfect! Shall we be on our way?" he asked and started walking out, the automatic doors somehow registering and opening for him despite him being invisible.

Only he found Homura wasn't following him.

Instead she was looking up at the sky.

"What? Don't you have an umbrella for yourself or- WHOA!" Kyubey cried out as a strong gust of wind picked him up and took him into the air.

Before he could do anything lightning also shot down and struck his umbrella, electrocuting Kyubey.

Homura was the only one who knew what happened as everyone else just tried to find shelter.

"Huh. Guess all that talks about the dangers of umbrellas during storms are true after all." she mused to herself.

"So it would seem but now I don't have an umbrella." another Kyubey sulked by her feet.

"Guess I'll just have to use plan B instead!" he yelled before jumping into Homura's open bag.

"What the-" the girl cried in surprise.

She saw a white paw reach out, grab the zipper and slowly pull it almost fully closed before retreating in the bag.

Homura stared at her bag containing Kyubey before sighing to herself and swinging it over her shoulder and making a run towards home.


	10. Chapter 10

Homura grumbled to herself as she rummaged through her medicine cabinet.

After another day of trying to get it through Madoka's thick skull that she shouldn't become a magical girl while Kyubey kept telling her she _should_, Homura needed something to calm her splitting headache!

The only problem was that she seemed to be out of them.

To make it even worse, it seemed she really forgot to replace all her other types of medicines in the years as all the ones she found were expired.

She held up one of the bottles filled with some kind of pills and glared at it.

"Homura~ Hello~" she jumped and almost dropped the bottle at he sudden voice.

Turning around she found Kyubey sitting on the edge of her bathtub, though his tail was waging more rapidly than normal and he seemed to be vibrating a little.

"Hello. What's gotten you in such a chipper mood? I thought Incubators didn't have emotions?" Homura asked with a glare.

"I'm not happy! Just a little hyper! You see, Madoka gave me some candy and I always loved candy ever since I had my first piece of it and I just couldn't stop eating even when it was all gone so I ended up almost all the candy of that one convenience store near her house and now I'm like this! Anyway, how are you doing?" the little alien spoke so quickly Homura actually had trouble keeping up before she got an idea.

"You want some more candy?" she asked, trying her best to sound as sweet and friendly as Madoka though she knew she probably failed.

Either Kyubey somehow didn't notice or he just didn't care but he perked up at her words.

"Really? Oh, yes, yes, yes! Thank you very much!" he jumped to the floor and ran a few circles.

"Okay then! Here you..." Homura slowly twisted the cap off one of the bottles of bad medicine.

"Go!" she cried as she tossed the pills into the air.

Kyubey caught them all in the opening in his back, along with the next few ones he was tossed.

Only when Homura had fed him all the bad medicine did he stop hopping around and sat down again.

"Hmmm... This candy doesn't taste like candy at all! UGH!" he face-planted and stayed still.

"I must admit falling for that little trick of yours wasn't my best moment." a new Kyubey admitted as he climbed out of the bathtub and stared at his other body.

"At least I'm nor suffering from sugar-high anymore." he sighed.

"Yeah and I at least go rid of all those expired medicines. Only now I don't have anything." Homura frowned at her now empty cabinet.

"The pharmacy two blocks away should still be open by now." Kyubey told her in one of his rare moments of helpfulness towards her.

"Really? Okay, guess I better go then." she shrugged and went to grab her coat.

"Can I come along?"

"Sure, I guess."


	11. Chapter 11

"I honestly don't see why they insist on rebuilding the whole road. After all, there was nothing wrong with it to my knowledge." Kyubey told Homura as he watched a couple of contraction workers do their job of mixing cement from where he sat on a small table across from the magical girl as she sipped a cup of coffee.

"Those guys are just doing their jobs they got from what was probably the local government or something." the girl answered with a shrug.

"And at many times governments like to do things to waste money, even if they think they aren't and mean well, right?" Kyubey blinked up at her.

"Huh. You actually summed that up perfectly." Homura said as motioned the waiter over.

After she paid she got op and started walking with Kyubey being quick to follow.

"Speaking of construction, I find cement a very interesting element in it. It starts off as some or of powder but by adding some water it becomes some sort of mush that hardens into concrete." the incubator said as he watched the workers start to pour cement.

"Then why don't you have a closer look?" Homura suggested and without giving Kyubey a chance to respond she kicked him over to where the cement was being poured, resulting in him being smothered and pretty much drowning in it.

"I wonder, as they most likely will want to replace the road again in some years would they be able to find my other body since it will technically still be taking up space?" a new Kyubey wondered.

"No clue and I don't even care. Hopefully you'll be really dead by then and also unable to find out." Homura murmured and started walking away again.


	12. Chapter 12

"I hope you aren't planning on stuffing me into a costume again, are you? It shouldn't even matter much anyway as it isn't hunting season right now." Kyubey told Homura as they once again walked through the forest.

"Nah, I just found something I wanna show you. Here we are." Homura crouched by a bush and peaked over it.

Kyubey went to join her to see what she was looking at and gasped softly upon seeing a mother bear and her two playing cubs.

"A bear family! I've never seen them this close in the wild! Only in zoos since I mostly pay attention to the humans and their behavior while looking for magical girls!" he whispered, sounding close to an exited child as he wagged his tail.

"Why don't you gave a closer look?" Homura suggested as she pulled something from her bag.

A jar of honey.

"Sure but what are you- ARGH! My fur!" Kyubey cried out when the girl poured the sticky sweet substance over him.

Soon he was covered head to toe in honey.

"Why?!" he asked, looking as close to angry as was possible for him.

"To get the bears to notice you. Off you go!" Homura said before tossing Kyubey in the air after which he landed right in front of the mother bear's paw.

"Oh, hello there. Please pardon my appearance." he greeted as he sat up.

The bear stared for a bit before leaning closer.

Then she started licking Kyubey, her babies following her example and licking the honey off him.

"Ah! Hey! Stop it! That tickles!" Kyubey laughed as he fell over and tried to push the large animals away with his paws but it was useless.

Soon he was nothing but a laughing little mess with tongues running over him.

CRUNCH!

And then mother bear bit his head off and she and her babies started eating the rest of him.

"As cute as that was at first I think I prefer teddy-bears over real ones." another Kyubey said as he sat next to Homura again.

The girl didn't answer.

She was too busy trying to get the rest of the honey from the jar with her finger to lick it off.


	13. Chapter 13

"And and did you come all the way here to use my microwave again?" Homura asked Kyoko as she handed the redhead her microwave-meal.

"Because I broke mine by accident. I tried to warm an egg and forgot those explode when microwaved." Kyoko admitted casually and Homura right away looked ready to strangle her for the ridiculousness.

"That's kind of stupid of you isn't it? I mean, these days everyone knows that." Kyubey said, causing Kyoko to glare at him.

"Well, I wonder what would have if we'd microwave _you_!" she snapped.

"Good idea." Homura then said as she grabbed Kyubey and stuffed him into the microwave.

"How long should we try?" she asked Kyoko who was looking stunned at the action.

"Huh? Oh! Maybe just a minute to start out?" she suggested as she sheepishly rubbed the back of her head.

"One minute it is." Homura said and turned the machine on.

The girls watching as Kyubey lay inside, spinning around on the little platform when...

BOOM!

He exploded in a white mush that covered the little window.

Opening the door they saw everything covered in Kyubey mush.

"Gross." Kyoko murmured.

Then the microwave started smoking and burst into flames, causing both girls to yelp.

Homura rushed to grab the fire-extinguisher and put a stop tot he fire before it got out of hand.

"Guess I need a new Microwave now." she sighed.

"And what have we learned? To not pur eggs or Kyubeys in the microwave." another Kyubey spoke from where he sat o the table..

Homura blasted him in the face with the extinguisher.


	14. Chapter 14

Homura and Kyubey stood on the sidewalk, waiting for the stoplight to turn green and allow them to cross the street.

"Aren't some of these cars breaking the speed-limit?" Kyubey wondered as he watched all the cars that zoomed by.

"Probably." Homura answered, holding her phone to her ear so she could talk to Kyubey without it looking like she was talking to herself for all the other people around them.

Normally she couldn't care less about what people thought of her but right now she wasn't in the mood for stares.

Suddenly her eyes widened as she looked at the other side of the street.

"No, Madoka! Why are you holding a sign saying you'll make a contract!?" she yelled.

"She is?! This is my chance! I don't see her! MADOKAAAA!" Kyubey cried and started running across the street.

Only to get ran over by one of the cars.

"I must admit, that was pathetic of me." another Kyubey sighed as he sat next to Homura.

"Yeah, but it sure was funny to know you actually fell for that." Homura smirked and started walking when the light turned green and no cars were coming anymore.

"Well, I don't find it funny!" Kyubey cried as he ran after her.

Homura just put her phone away, signaling she wasn't planning on answering him for a while.


	15. Chapter 15

Homura sighed as she walked into her bathroom.

She's agreed to get something to drink with Madoka and while it had once again ended in her telling the naive pink-haired girl to not become a magical girl, she had actually finished her drink that time.

Still, due to her internal anger at the moment she had forgotten to use the bathroom at the moment and had to hold it all the way home.

Just as she was about to lower her skirt a familiar voice called "Hello Homura!"

This caused her to break out of her usual cool persona and let out started high-pitched scream.

"Kyubey! What the hell!?" she yelled as she fixed her clothes while glaring at the incubator who was sitting on her toilet.

Kyubey just blinked and swayed his tail in confusion.

"What?" he asked.

"Why are you in my bathroom!? Right when I'm about to undress no less!?" Homura glared furiously.

"Oh, I didn't think it would be such a problem. Humans truly get riled up at the simplest things." Kyubey just said.

"I'll show you riled up!" before he could move Kyubey was shoved into the toiletbowl cand the water started swirling and sucking him down as Homura flushed it.

"This is ridiculous!" he yelled before going under.

Homura stared into the toilet for a moment, half expecting Kyubey to come climbing out again but he didn't.

"That was horrible!" she didn't scream again but the girl did flinch upon hearing Kyubey.

He was sitting by the door.

"You know, it honestly wasn't the flushing that killed my previous body. I ended up in the sewer and rats ate me."

"You got eaten by rats?" Homura asked, earning a nod in confirmation.

"Though I don't know how they could have an appetite down there considering the horrible smell. The waste you humans create is truly the most disgusting stuff I have ever seen in my life. Which is _long_, may I remind you." he said.

"If that's the case you better get out of here now because if I ever again find you in my bathroom while I'm indecent or near it, I'm flushing you down there again." the girl snapped.

"Eep! No no no! I'm going!" and with that Kyubey was gone.

For the time being at least.


	16. Chapter 16

Homura and Kyubey sat on a bench at the park, watching children play in the playground.

Some were on the swings, others on the slide, some on the monkey-bars, a few were digging around in the sandbox and of course there were the kids who were playing with toys they brought from home or just chasing each other around as they played games.

"Such innocence. Not a single clue about all the dangers in the world." Kyubey mused as he watched the happiness around them.

"Like how you exist and trick girls into turning into magical girls only to become witches?" Homura asked with a slight growl.

"As I've said many times before, I have never lied to and s tricked anyone into forming a contract with me but I suppose witches are indeed one of the things I meant other than issues most humans are aware of but don't do anything about such as global warming, poverty and warfare." he said, looking at her with those unbothered eyes.

"And why exactly are you paying so much attention to little kids?" Homura asked.

"I'm scouting for potential future magical girls."

Hearing that answer made Homura almost loose it and transform in front of everyone and shoot the incubator but she noticed something more low-key.

She grabbed Kyubey by the back of his neck and walked to the sandbox where kids were busy filling up a very large and deep hole the somehow managed to dig.

Without another word Homura tossed Kyubey into it and before he could react a load of sand got dumped onto him.

"And _stay_ down there!" she murmured as she glared at the filling hole.

"Sorry to disappoint but I can't do that!" she frowned upon seeing the incubator sitting behind her.

"Just stay away from Madoka and these kids!" she hissed at him before giving him a nice kick in the face.


	17. Chapter 17

A small airplane flew through the air.

Besides the pilot it had only two passengers, thought the pilot thought it was only one.

In the back of the tiny plane sat Homura and Kyubey, both wearing sky-diving gear.

"Why are we going sky-diving with some company? You can easily land safely from way higher with your powers." Kyubey asked as he placed a tiny helmet into his head with his ears.

"Because I wanted to see if it actually really gives such a thrill when you don't have magic to save you. And you just came along to annoy me, didn't you?" Homura answered as she tied her hair up to avoid it getting caught in the equipment.

"Hey, kid! You should be getting ready to jump soon! Thought, are you sure you;ll be alright without an instructor coming with you? I wouldn't feel good knowing you died because I let your jump out of this plane with an expert!" the pilot called over his shoulder.

"Thank you but I'll be alright! My uncle has his own sky-dive company so I've done this a thousand times!" Homura lied, knowing if something went wrong she could just use her magic.

"Alright then! Get ready!" the pilot answered and after a minuted the door opened.

Without a second thought Homura jumped out.

Kyubey watched her fall for a moment before shrugging and jumping too while letting out a "GERONIMOOOOO!"

Despite being smaller and lighter he somehow managed to catch up to Homura and the stared at each other as they fell face to face.

Then Homura opened her parachute and her descend slowed down.

Using his ears Kyubey pulled the cord for his own parachute and it popped out.

Only the cords snapped right away and the parachute floated away while Kyubey continued falling.

Homura watched it happen from above.

A few minutes later she landed gracefully in a field, her parachute landing behind her.

A few yards away from her was a white splat, obviously Kyubey.

"Did you seriously sabotage my parachute? I'm surprised you didn't stuff an anvil in there just for the sake of cartoons." another Kyubey said as he crawled out from under Homura's fallen parachute.

"I thought about it but I decided it would be too much hassle. Also, you could have just thought of bringing a spare parachute yourself." Homura shrugged and stared walking away.

"Fair enough." Kyubey shrugged too and followed her.


	18. Chapter 18

"To think so many people gather around just to see someone being shot out of a canon." Kyubey mused as he and Homura stood in a field, watching people gather in the stands, ready to watch the show.

For some reason a random company had decided to make a show of people being shot out of a canon and many people were gathering to either watch or be shot themselves into the large net further up after having sighed up some time before.

"People just enjoy thrills. Wanna try it too?" Homura suggested as she watched the technical team prepare everything for the test-shots with sandbags.

"While it does sound interesting, I doubt I can get in there right now." Kyubey said.

"Sure you can." and with that Homura hopped behind a random nearby food-stand, transformed and froze time.

Then she grabbed Kyubey, stuffed him into the canon against the present sandbag and added a lot more powder.

Taking a few steps back she un-froze time and watched as the canon shot Kyubey out.

While the humans had all calculated everything s the sandbag that had the same weight as the first human in line would land in the net, due to Homura giving the blow more power the bag, with Kyubey against it, soared over the net and crashed into the ground.

She ignored the confused and panicked screaming from all the other people and kept looking at where Kyubey crash-landed.

"Meh. I still don't understand why humans like this." another Kyubey said as he walked to Homura.

"Your own opinion I guess." Homura shrugged and started walking home.


	19. Chapter 19

Homura grunted as she chopped vines out of the way with a machete as she walked through the jungle.

She was wearing a tan colored safari outfit with hat included.

"How far is it still to that temple?" Kyubey asked as he followed.

He was also wearing a tiny safari outfit and hat with holes for his tail and ears which honestly looked adorable on him though Homura would rather die than admit that.

"Just a little bit." she answered as she looked ahead.

"Why exactly are you looking for this temple?" Kyubey asked curiously.

"Because it should hold a real treasure and if I could really use the money it would give me since Kyoko keeps freeloading at my place and eating all my food. It would also good to have the money in the future if I don't have to travel back in time this time." Homura answered when she suddenly stopped walking, causing the incubator to bump into her legs.

"We're here." was all she said and sure enough there was a large temple in front of them.

She walked forward and almost fell into a hole.

Looking down they saw it was filled with dozens of venomous snakes who were all hissing threateningly up at them with some even attempting to jump out.

"Hmmm! It seems these snakes were placed here as a trap to take care of whoever tried to invade the temple." Kyubey mused as he peered over the edge, almost getting bitten in the ear by a high jumping snake.

"Right. Here's the plan." Homura said, drawing his attention.

"You'll distract them." and with that she kicked Kyubey into the pit.

Kyubey landed on the botom with a thud and looking him he found all the snakes glaring at him.

"For what it's worth, I never supported snake leather handbags and such." he said before being bitten all over.

As this went on Homura effortlessly leaped over the pit, went inside the temple and came out a minute later.

"Was it worth the trouble?" a new and also naked Kyubey asked from where he sat at the edge of the pit.

"Sure, when I give this to the museum they'll pay me more than enough to last for a while." she said as she pulled out a ruby skull.

"And allow you to buy some snake leathers bags and such?"

"I thought you didn't support those."

"I do _now_."


	20. Chapter 20

Homura sighed as she placed her clothing from the washer into a basket.

She really hated doing laundry.

She was just about to go hang it out to dry only to notice it was raining.

Guess she had to use the tumble dryer, even if that meant it would be done sooner and she then had to get to folding sooner.

Suddenly she noticed something.

Kyubey was sitting outside her balcony, staring at her through the window.

While she honestly wanted to leave him, she still opened the door, knowing he'd fins his way in either way and would complain her ears off if she didn't allow it directly.

"Thank you." the incubator said as he walked past the girl and shook himself dry, or at least as dry as he could.

"Whatever." she answered as she grabbed her laundry and walked to the tumble dryer.

"Oh, are you doing laundry?" Kyubey asked as he followed.

"No, Kyubey. I'm ice-skating with the Eater Bunny." came a sarcastic answer as she stuffed her clothes into the dryer.

"You don't have to be like that. Besides, this tumble dryer is quite an invention. After a little while your clothes will not only be dry but also often extra soft then when they're air-dried. Unlike my fur." Kyubey said as he jumped onto Homura's shoulder and peered inside the machine.

"Maybe it will this time." Homura said and with that grabbed Kyubey and threw him along with the rest of her laundry into the dryer.

She slammed the door shut and turned it on, watching Kyubey spin around through the window, sometimes getting blocked by a piece of clothing until the tumble dryer was spinning so fast everything was just one big blur.

Knowing it would take about half an hour before it was done Homura went to get some coffee and watch some TV.

After a while the tumble dryer beeped and she rushed to open the door.

Pulling out her clothes she found a motionless Kyubey and pulled it out.

"Maybe next time you can set it a little less hot?" another Kyubey asked as he poked his head out of the otherwise empty laundry basket.

"Nah, I'm not doing that for you. Here, just enjoy how extra soft this corpse feels." she said as she tossed him his dead body.

"Now that is just ru- Wow! My fur really is softer on this body!" Kyubey exclaimed as he rubbed his along the other dead Kyubey.


	21. Chapter 21

"Miss, you have to stay behind the safety line!" a little girl innocently told Homura who was at the train station, standing on top of the little line one the ground instead of behind it.

"I see. Thank you, you just saved my life." Homura said as she took a step back and gave a small smile at the girl who beamed backed.

Even if Homura knew she wasn't in real danger as she was aware enough to not get hit by a train, the fact a little kid wanted to help her was just too cute.

"It really was a good idea to put these safety lines here. With them even young children know how to keep an appropriate distance from the tracks." Kyubey said absentmindedly as he looked at the line at his feet.

"Yeah, too bad it still isn't enough in some cases." Homura said.

"How so?" Kyubey asked.

"People do stupid things. They don't watch were they're walking and end up tripping, get drunk and loose their footing, want to show off," she explained.

"They have others do this." she kicked Kyubey in the back.

"Hey! Whoa whoa whoa-!" Kyubey landed on the ended of the platform and awkwardly waved his ears in an attempt to regain his balance but the the train came and slammed into his head that was having over the edge.

"And those are some of the reasons why those safety lines often aren't enough." Homura said after the train stopped and the doors opened.

"I see." Kyubey said from his seat on the train, not even bothering to look at the girl as she sat down next to him.


	22. Chapter 22

"Hey, Kyubey? Want some curry?" the incubator perked up and looked at Homura in surprise.

"Are you seriously offering me food?" he asked.

"Yeah, I made too much and it would be a shame it went to waste, right?" she answered as she placed a small plate in front of him.

"You didn't poison it, did you?"

"Nah, not this time. Now just eat before I change my mind." and with that the girl started on her own meal.

Kyubey watched her for abit before shrugging and digging into his own food.

Only after a few bites be suddenly felt very tired and face-planted into the curry, fast asleep.

When he woke up again he found himself tied up with ropes, lying on the ground in the middle of nowhere, Homura standing a couple of feet away.

"I thought you set you didn't poison the food." he told her.

"I didn't. I added some sleeping pills but not enough to actually harm you so you can't really say I poisoned you." she answered.

"I suppose that's fair." he agreed before looking around.

"Say, is there a specific reason you have brought me here?" he asked.

"Sure thing. Just look where you're laying." she said and when he did Kyubey found he was on train tracks.

He was about to say something when he heard it.

The sound of an incoming train.

Looking ahead he found a huge steam locomotive speeding his way.

"Seriously?" he deadpanned at Homura before being ran over.

"Where was Madoka? Or some current magical girl? When someone is tied up on train tracks, a hero is supposed to appear and safe the damsel!" another Kyubey cried as he ran out fro the bushes and looked around.

"That only happens in movies, Kyubey." Homura deadpanned.

"Than those movies have all lied to me! If you'll excuse me, I'm off to write some angry letters to those companies for spreading lies!" and with that Kyubey walked off to send complaints to companies who wouldn't care about his opinions.


	23. Chapter 23

"Just one more scoop..." Jomura mumbled as she scooped some more vanilla ice cream into her blender.

"What are you making?" Kyubey asked as he jumped onto the counter.

"A milkshake." the girl answered as she wondered of she should or shouldn't add more ice cream anyway.

"Just vanilla favorite. That's pretty boring, isn't it?" Kyubey asked.

"Then why don't you give it some more flavor?" Homura snapped before stuffing him into the blender and turning it on.

After a few seconds she turned it off and poured a thick white mush into a glass.

"Well then." she said as she stared the the Kyubey-milkshake.

"Excuse me!" another Kyubey said as he jumped onto the counter, carrying a straw in his mouth which he put in the glass.

He took a sip and hummed to himself.

"Not bad but it would be even better with some whipped cream on top!" he exclaimed.

Homura sighed before walking to her refrigerator and pulling a can out, putting a lot of it on the Kyubey-milkshake.

"Thank you!" he cheered before he started drinking again, tail wagging happily.

"You want toppings too?

"Yes please!"


	24. Chapter 24

"Why are we at the baseball field?" Kyubey asked as he followed Homura onto the empty field.

"Multiple reasons. One of which is so I can get some practice." the girl answered as she walked over to one of those machines that shot out baseballs at players.

"Did you break into the baseball teams storage unit to get that?" Kyubey asked.

"Yup. Now come here for a sec." she ordered.

When he obeyed she bragged him and stuffed him into the machine which forced him down until he was looking out of the shooting opening, about to be shot.

Also, Homura had somehow, probably with her magic, changed into a baseball player's uniform and was standing at the ready with a aluminium bat.

She was even blowing bubbled on some bubblegum.

"Here batabatabata!" she called tauntingly before the machine launched Kyubey at her.

When he was there she smashed her bat into his face as hard as she could and send him flying.

She watched as he flew until she couldn't see him anymore when suddenly another Kyubey almost knocked her over as he slid over the ground to the tile.

He was wearing a miniature baseball uniform.

"I'm in! What are you doing?! That's an easy homerun! Get running already!" he yelled up at Homura.

"Kyubey... You do realize this isn't an actual baseball compitition, right?" Homura asked.

"Oh... Right."


	25. Chapter 25

The sun shined it's bright and hot rays mercilessly over the sandy desert.

Said desert was devoid of any life except for a camel that was carrying Homura and Kyubey.

"So when was the last time you actually had a drink? I know your species can go without drinking for days." Kyubey babbled to the camel as he sat on the animal's head while Homura sat on it's back and struggled with a map.

The camel just snorted in response.

"I see." Kyubey nodded as if he got a fully detailed answer.

"Say, Homura? How much longer till we reach the pyramids?" he asked looking over his shoulder.

"We're here." she answered as she lowered her map and sure enough as soon as the camel walked over the next hill they found beautiful pyramids.

"Oh wow! It's been such a long time since I've been here!" Kyubey cried as he jumped down.

"Then take your time and enjoy it!" Homura yelled and when Kyubey turned around he found the camel running away from him with Homura on it's back.

"Oh, come on!" he cried in annoyance.

With a huff he started walking after them.

Only, it was a task that was easier said than done.

The sun got hotter and hotter, burning the air he breathed along with the sand he walked on, hurting his paws.

His whole body was on fire and he was thirsty, not having dranken anything for hours.

Still, he kept walking.

He needed to get out of there.

He needed to create more magical girls, most importantly Madoka.

The hours went by feeling like days.

Then he saw her.

He had just climbed on top of a sand hill and on the other side he found the camp, Homura petting their camel as it and a few others were drinking from a small lake.

"HOOOOOMUUUUURAAAAA!" he yelled and saw her gasp when she saw him.

He took a step towards her before he found his body giving out and he ended up rolling down the hill in a ball.

He landed at Homura's feet and didn't get up.

Homura blinked and lightly kicked him but he didn't get up.

He was dead.

She stared at the body for a few minutes but it didn't get up and a new Kyubey hadn't appeared yet to mock her attempt to kill him.

Had she finally succeeded?

Suddenly she heard the camels crying out and turning around her jaw dropped upon finding a new Kyubey sitting between two camels, drinking so rapidly all the water was getting pulled away from the camels who were having trouble drinking now.

Kyubey stopped drinking for a moment to look at her.

"I must remember to bring myself lots of water the next time I go to the desert." was all he said before he started drinking again.

Homura felt her eye twitch and turned around and stomped off.


	26. Chapter 26

"Spain, the country of flamenco, siestas and paella!" Kyubey cheered as he spun around as he and Homura wondered through a random city in the country.

"It's been forever since I've been here!" he sighed happily.

"Hmmm. I'll bet since you forgot a little thing Spain is known for else." Homura hummed.

"Well, Spain is technically know for many things and I just named a few. What ezactly do you mean?" he asked only to yelp when multiple tomatoes were poured on him, all bursting open and painting Kyubey red in their juices.

"Just so you know, La Tomatina isn't celebrated in this town for as far as I know and even if it was, we're still for quite a bit early for that." he said while trying to shake the juices off.

"I know both of those things. It's just that do partake in bull-running here. Right about now." and with that Homura transformed, froze time, left and unfroze time to make it look like she just teleported away.

"Wait, what?" Kyubey asked blankly when the ground started shaking.

Turning around he saw a group of men running his way, being chased by a dozens of bulls.

"Uh oh..." and with that he started running.

He found a small ledge against a wall and jumped on it.

For a moment he sat there gasping for breath as he watch both men and bulls run past him, some of the men getting trampled or skewered on horns.

Then everything seemed to happen in slow-motion as one bull leaped up with eyes filled with hatred and skewered Kyubey on it's horns and ran a bit before Kyubey dropped and got trampled by the rest of the bulls.

As soon as the last bull was gone Homura appeared again.

"Guess bulls really do hate the color red." she mussed.

"So it would seem though I must say I hope this isn't the only reason we came to Spain." Another Kyubey said and he jumped down from... somewhere.

"Actually it is." the girl answered.

"What?! I am not allowing this! We are going to eat real pealla right now and since you don't seem to have that much of a problem with spending money, we're buying the most expensive we can find! Let's go!" Kyubey cried before jumping at Homura and actually stealing her wallet and running away.

"What the-?! Kyubey get back here!" Homura ran after him.


	27. Chapter 27

"So this gardening store also sells lots of flowers, trees and other plants and since they have recently gotten a rare new plant they are throwing a party?" Kyubey asked Homura who gave a confirming nod as they walked into said store.

"Any reason you want to go here? I mean, you're not really into gardening for as far as I know." he asked.

"I'm not but parties usually mean free food." she shrugged.

"You sound like Kyoko."

"Don't _ever_ say that again."

"Okay."

After walking through the store a bit, snatching some snacks and pretending to be interested in everything did they reach the main attraction.

There on a stage stood a gigantic venus fly trap that looked as all as Homura.

"Oh my. I wonder how many flies it must have eaten to grow that big." Kyubey said as he wagged his tail in thought.

"Maybe it didn't eat just flies." Homura suggested.

"Then what do you think it eats?" he asked.

"You." and with that Kyubey was thrown straight at the plant which clamped down on him, taking him in whole.

Homura ignored all the people who were excitedly talking, thinking it responded to some bugs and just stared.

"Well then, now I know how flies feel when they get caught in those things." another Kyubey said he he popped out of a bouquet of roses a random lady was holding.

"Wanna know how flied captured by spiders feel too?"

"No thank you."


	28. Chapter 28

"Why are we at NASA? Do you wanna become an astronaut? I've actually had magical girls wishing they'd later become magical girls but then most of them became witches as soon as it was official and sadly never got to see the rest of the universe. Such a shame they weren't more specific when making their wishes." Kyubey babbled as Homura carried him inside.

"Because today they're sending a new satellite up there." she said.

"But what does that have to do with us?" Kyubey asked.

"You're going with." Homura answered.

They had reached the platform where the satellite would be launched from and she tossed Kyubey over and sure enough he landed in such a way he got stuck.

Then she transformed, froze time, changed the coordinates and let time flow again.

Just as she did so it was time and the satellite launched with Kyubey on it.

With that done she went to the cafetaria where she drank some coffee and ate cake and after about an hour she heard people started panicking, realizing they had no control over it anymore.

Homura felt pleased with herself for setting multiple advanced digital locks to prevent that.

As more and more people started running around yelling at each other to do something she stood up and left.

She didn't see Kyubey for a few days and honestly thought she'd finally gotten rid of him.

Sadly one day he appeared again, sitting casually on her bed.

"I must admit, sending me into the sun was a pretty impressive idea." he said.

Homura just decided to not sleep at all and just bringe-drink coffee in frustration.


	29. Chapter 29

Kyubey sighed as he was once again being carried somewhere by Homura.

After about an hour she finally stopped and dropped him.

His feet had barely touched the ground before he found himself once again being stuffed into some costume, tail and all.

"Now what did you force me into?" he asked with a slight groan.

He was handed a mirror and blinked at his reflection.

"You dressed me as myself?" he asked.

"To make you visible for everyone. Have a look at where we are." Homura said and looked up Kyubey gasped.

They were at a kindergarten.

"Homura? Are you planning what I think you're planning?" he asked a little nervously.

Homura didn't say anything but gave a small sadistic smirk as she walked inside.

She walked through the halls, passing a few rooms where kids could be seen playing through the windows.

Finally she stopped at one door.

"This rooms holds a ton of kids with ADHD and stuff." she informed Kyubey before opening the door.

"Who wants a toy?!" she yelled and without even waiting for an answer she tossen Kyubey inside.

Kyubey hit the ground and lay still, hoping the kids wouldn't be interested in him if he just lay there.

He wasn't that lucky.

He felt tiny hands pick him up by his ear and soon he was being pulled every direction and screams filled the air.

He suffered for hours until he was finally pulled completely apart.

A new Kyubey appeared right next to Homura at home and said "I'm glad you'll never get the chance to have children of your own."


	30. Chapter 30

Kyubey blinked as he watched Homura walk into a church.

For as far as he knew she wasn't religious so what was she doing there?

Something told him he shouldn't follow but his curiosity was always one of his biggest weaknesses so he found himself walking inside.

It was completely dark except for a few candles that created a very faint light.

"Homura?" he called.

"Over here." she answered and appeared in front of him, holding a candle.

"What are you doing?" he asked, cocking his head.

"She is accepting my help!" an old man answered as he stepped next to Homura.

Judging by the robes he was wearing it was safe to assume he was a priest.

"I beg your pardon? Also, how are you able to see me?" Kyubey asked.

"I can see all evil there is and I have dedicated my life to putting an end to it!" the priest exclaimed.

"Including you." Homura added.

"You look where you are standing!" the priest yelled and looking down Kyubey found he had walked into a circle and pentagram made of salt without noticing.

"Oh my." he said softly.

"I will banish you into hell for eternity, foul demon!" the priest yelled as he held up a cross.

"I must inform you that I am not a demon but a- UGH!" Kyubey's explanation got got off as the pentagram lit up and forced him to lay down, unable to move.

The priest started chanting with his cross held high as the light got brighter and brighter until there was one mighty final flash and Kyubey dissolved into smoke.

Not done yet the priest yelled one final chant at the top of his lungs and the pentagram turned into a portal in the ground that sucked the Kyubey-smoke in.

After that the portal closed and the priest dropped to his knees in exhaustion.

"Are you alright?" Homura asked as she gently helped him up.

"Yes, I'll be fine, my dear. Banishing evil beings just takes a lot of energy." the priest answered.

"It was very impressive at least!" both humans gasped upon finding a new Kyubey sitting behind them.

"Im-impossible!" the priest cried as he stumbled back, holding his cross towards Kyubey as if hoping it would protect him.

"As I was trying to tell you earlier, I am not a demon so you can not banish me like one. I am much more." Kyubey went on as he slowly approached the trembling man.

"No! No, no noooooooo!" the priest screamed as he ran out of the church.

"So now you're still around and a priest is traumatized. Great." the sarcasm in Homura's voice was heavy.

"Oh well." Kyubey just shrugged.


	31. Chapter 31

"Kyubey, come here!" Homura called the incubator.

"Yes? What is it?" he asked as he walked over to her, finding she was standing into an empty room with only a small radio.

"Something that makes you want to die, is what." she said and ran out the door and locked it.

"Huh?" Kyubey blinked.

Then he heard a noise and realized the radio was on.

Music started playing.

Kyubey's eyes widened in horror upon realizing what was happening.

"Homura, no! Please let me out!" he yelled as he started pawing at the door.

_"Never gonna give you up~ Never gonna let you down~ Never gonna run around and desert you~"_

"HOOOOOMUUUURAAAAA!"

* * *

About three hours later Homura opened the door and poked her head in.

The whole room had dents, scratch-marks and more and in the middle of it Kyubey's headless body was laying while blood was spalttered on the walls.

It seemed his head had exploded from the torture.

"That was very foolish, Homura Akemi." another Kyubey said darkly from behind her.

"Really now? How so?" she asked casually only to feel him jump into her back.

She stumbled into the room and turned around when she heard the door close and being locked again.

Then music started playing through the radio again.

Homura gasped.

It wasn't the same music as before.

This was much, _much_ worse.

_"And I was like baby, baby, baby oh~ Like baby, baby, baby no~ Like baby, baby, baby oh~"_

"KYYYUUUBEEEEYYYY!"


	32. Chapter 32

"UGH!" Homuta cried as the flashbacks finally stopped.

Watching the past through Kyubey was never fun and always left a headache, both from the action as well as the types of memories he always showed.

"And all of those attempts of yours to kill me were from only last week. I wanted to show more but I honestly didn't want to spend too much time on it." Kyubey said.

"Geez. Thanks." Homura growled sarcastically as she glared at him.

"I must admit, most of your latest attempts were very impressive and I will most definitely remember them." he said.

"That doesn't cheer me up when thinking of the fact that would mean you won't be dead." Homura said.

"Indeed but while not happy, you technically acknowledged you won't be able to kill me. You might as well finally listen and stop trying to kill me."

"I never acknowledged anything!" Homura snapped.

"But will you still give up on killing me?" Kyubey cocked his head.

He was shot on the head again with Homura's typical gun she used in battle.

"Still not working~"

"SON OF A-"

**The End**

**Thank you all so mu****ch for reading this fic of mine! I had lots of fun writing ea****ch chapter and hope you'll review, fav and maybe even read my other works too! Bye!**


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